Wednesday, December 22, 2010


'Just remember. If one day we fight or have anything extreme, please don't go crazy okay.'

'Crazy as in what?'

'Crazy as in saying you want to leave me.'


'You know I love you so much.'


'Sayang, if one day I had to leave everything here and go home, what would you do?'

'I... I don't know. I am not ready to answer your question. What would you do?'

'I would kill myself.'

'And why would you do that?'

'You are my life.'

'Sweet talker!'

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


It is funny when everyone assumes I must be rich for I own a business at a young age. They think I make good money, and when we hang, in a way, I owe them a dinner treat or something like that.

Seriously speaking, these very people know how to tickle my back bone. Owning a business, ladies and gentlemen, is just one of the many ways to make a living. I personally know many people who are working on a 9-5 daily routine, earning around 10k per month. So, if you think I earn something near that figure, you should consider seeing a doctor.


Owning a business is just one of the many ways to make a living, to make ends meet.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


I don't know if this is something I should regret or feel sorry about or not.

All my life, I have never really had any solid relationship with any man. Solid, as in stabile, not patchy and rocky. All my previous relationships, and the current one, they move in lighting speed. Too fast, and too furious. We were either too in love, or too bitter to each other.

There was never any tranquil moment. Actually there was, but it was too short that I couldn't recall if there was any.

My current relationship, I have invested a lot. From dollars to emotions. Yet, the odds of us lasting long look unconvincing.

I am sighing. Anyway, Hopeless is my middle name.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It Ain't Misery, It Ain't Easy.

Perfect timing.

FG#1 has trust issue with me, a big one. To the extent he would check out my phones. All due to a little misunderstanding. So when the issue was brought up, and since I myself had trust issue with him too, that little misunderstanding became big. So big that we were shouting in his car. So big that we yelled at each other. So big that we started digging the old dirts. So big that he could not see me into my eyes.

Yes, we have trust issue, and we both are being very defensive. And the fact that we have survived the last 8 months together really amaze me.

FG#2 has left me a puzzling riddle. All my friends have been urging me to put a stop on this. Simply say, if things are too good to be true, they are indeed too good to be true.

Funny thing is, everybody is encouraging me to start another round of fishing.

Yeah, as I said, perfect timing.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Stupid As Stupid Does

Here is something people tend to forget. When you point your index finger at others, the other 3 fingers are pointing at you.

The concept is simple. What they do, the business is between them and their God. Unless they directly do damage to you. So other than that, you shut your fucking mouth. I know most of us love being nosy, so for fuck sake, be one. Be whatever nosy you want.

Just don't ever say you are better and holier than the one you are bitching about, by not passing any judgmental thought. Trust me, you can still be bitchy, and not losing your class.

What irks me the most is, you trash people, you act God, you punish, you pass remarks, and all the same while, you think you are better than them. Unfortunately, everybody in this universe do not think so.

Whatever wrong people do, you give reasons to spread the guilt. But whatever wrong you do, you give reasons to justify the purpose. And yet, you think you are the best khalif.

I must say, you are pretty ambitious.

Friday, November 19, 2010

The Groundbreaker (A Dedication To Perempuan Kacak, Again)

Ever since I reached puberty, I have always had issues with family. Be it with my mother, my brother, and occasionally my sister. Both petty and big issues. Like I said previously, I was a rebellious young lady.

If I didn't get things my way, I could go sulking and not talking for days. I am so good at doing silent treatment. That is actually my mojo.

No, I'm not exactly proud of my rebellious years. I have a difficult family, as a matter of fact. I know my brother is not happy (but he just couldn't care less with anything, so he's a gone case), my sister is unhappy too. I am unhappy, but lucky me, I can escape from the suffocation. The perk of staying away from family. I try to minimize my time with family as much as possible, that you can say, I am no family person.

It sounds selfish, but try having a mother like mine. She never lets you be someone of your own age, she treats you like a 40-year old. My sister always confides in me, whenever she gets home.

In a good way, my mother is a fine lady. She is actually a good mother, albeit she worries a lot. A lot that it gives me headache. And she is getting more spiritual. So the children, all in their 20s, young and vibrant, eager to explore life, they all feel restricted.

So how do they find solution? They do things as they please, they don't tell the mother about anything, simply because they know, mother will always give a different idea.

Now that nobody isn't sharing her any story, she feels tensed. She tries digging, but to no avail. Everybody has learned their lesson. To get your own freedom, is to start breaking all her stand. I already did. I am not exactly proud or happy, but I did what I had to do.

To gain her trust is to start breaking the trust.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

As A Matter Of Fact

I take pride that if something bad happens (other than death), I have time on my side. At the very least, I don't lose everything since I have the age advantage. To me, I am still young. The hell with people my age who are already thinking how old they have grown.

You are old if you spent half of your life worrying. You are old if you spent half of your time chasing after people. You are old if your eldest kid is 20. And you are definitely old if you called yourself 18 when you were actually 25.

Lucky for me, I think I've only spent a quarter of my life worrying, and a tenth of it chasing after some men. Technically speaking, I don't chase. Men chase after me, I only chase once they have already got me, you know. You are old if you don't understand what I am saying. My words are not complex, any way.

I take charge of my own life. If I don't, I rebel. I was a rebellious young lady few years ago. I fought for my youth curfew, I managed to move out of family home, I took the liberty to mix with different people. However, not all decisions I made were right. In fact, half of them turned out to be disastrous. But I had the courage to commit them, and later admit the wrongful choice. I am a typical "eat your own shit" kind of person. Only now, I no longer am a bigot. I, myself ain't pretty, so I don't go around acting god.

I have some friends saying how envious they feel towards me, thinking my life is perfect. At the same time, they also feel sorry for me, for despite my life looks perfect, it is loaded with issues, the never-ending issues. I complain a lot, so yeah, serve me right.

Like I said, I take pride that if something bad happens, other than death, I still have time on my side.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Honey, love alone doesn't make you a building.

Money too, doesn't grow on trees.

If you want a life based on love, and love alone, nothing but love, I gotta say; have fun making love. And babies.

So yeah, fool yourself. Damn the society.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Ninth Crime

No, I did not say you shouldn't get married, nor have I lost faith in marriage. What I was trying to point out is simply, do not marry for the sake of marrying, or because of the age pressure, or because of family.

For marriage is not a celebration of love. It is a celebration of life, and love happens to be part of it. So does shit, so does crises.

Call me a pessimist or whatever. Hell, I know I am actually a realist. Someday, somehow good things are gonna come to an end. Things eventually will get sour. If you are a hardcore and can survive turbulent times, please consider marriage as your thing. Problem is, everybody thinks he is a hardcore, a survivor. This is really a personality test you have to take, yourself.

Do you think I want to settle down with my current boyfriend? Naa uhh. To me, we are great as a couple. But as a family, I don't think so. I might end up eating my heart out.

So you'd ask, why am I wasting my time and life with someone I don't intend to share my life with? Now let me raise another question. Why do we always think 'sharing our life with someone' must carry the word marriage? Unless yeah, you are duped into believing those fairy tale wedding stories.

Well okay, I am fine with me wasting my time. If knowing what I want is a crime, I am so glad to be committing this crime. Eventually, there will come a time when I want to settle down. It's just a perfect human cycle. But hello, only when I have found the right person who can take me at my worst. Until that time comes, I am still fishing.

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get" - Forrest Gump.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Jane Of All Trade

It feels good to finally coming clean.

You know, every living human has his own dirty laundry. Some keep the dirt to grave, some deal with that by confiding in someone, some just don't give a crap about it.

I am not that lucky, but I sure do have amazing friends, different set of friends, whom I can talk to, when I really have to take something off my chest.

I am good at talking and making reasoning, to me, everything has its own reason. So, sue me for enjoying a life. If I were given a chance to turn back the clock, hell yeah I would take up the chance, and do things differently. But it doesn't mean I regret my life choices so far. It just that, well, I am wondering what if I had done this and that differently. It is pretty much a "what if" dilemma.

The past one year, I've been ditching friends and reconnecting with some. I'm kinda twisted in a way of saying. So yeah, that pretty much sums up my whole situation.

Perhaps I am still one confused young lady. Or perhaps, I enjoy life too much, so much that other than career, I play with fire all the time.

And a good wise friend told me two days go; "Don't you, just don't get married until you turn 30."

I can't say I agree with her idea, but you know, I can see the logic behind this. As beautiful as most people picture it, marriage is not that pretty. Besides the money issue, come on, it is more than money issue. And fuck those who only get married to legalise sex. It is not just about fucking. And after all, most people do not hold onto celibacy anymore. Unless yeah, you are too naive to realise this.

Now, force your grandparents to stop asking unmarried people to settle down. Because they are wiser than those who marry early, and regret the decision 5 years later, with 5 kids in tow, and divorce papers to be signed. The fact that they have 5 kids in 5 years is a proof to how fucking irresponsible they are. So much of practising legalised sex, my ass.

Well, at least I have 2 friends regretting their decision to marry young. In my textbook, that figure doesn't look good, when I have only around 6 friends who got married before they reached 23. It is 33% failure rate I am seeing.

When you have commitment issue, don't ever find a life partner. Society will press you, I assure you that. But fuck them. I know this one guy, on his way of parting ways with his wife, he only promised her 200 ringgit monthly for child support. Screw him. Committed, my ass.

Ladies, no matter how in love you are with your husband, no matter how comfortable and connected you feel towards him, be very prepared. One day, that day will come. When either one of you, suddenly woke up at the wrong side of bed, and feeling rather confused and discontent. That is when life crisis hits you. So for you ladies, if your man suddenly changes, you are always at the loosing end.

I mean, hello. Even though now is two thousand and ten already, women are still at the loose end. Deal with it. It is not a barbaric issue. Society always give men the upper hand. Women have to realise this. The first step towards protecting yourself is, you start taking care of your own body. Seriously speaking.

Who ever says "don't judge a book by its cover" are only attention-seeking hypocrite. Take care of your beauty, and body. Do exercise, eat well, whatever. Just make sure you are still at your prime, even though you are no longer in the game of manhunt. Because you never know what the future might surprise you.

I'm writing this, because admit it, we always feel insecure. 70% of my time is spent thinking what if what I'd planned didn't turn out to be what I had expected.

Believe it or not, the only thing that ruins all good things is expectation.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Come, Just Pull My Leg. You Wouldn't Hurt Me, Would You?

1) Those preachers of "Being single is being simple" are sure lying to themselves.

They, either never have any love relationship experience, or, are too heartbroken from their recent failed relationships.

2) Those who cry their heart out, whine 24/7 on Facebook are fucking brainless.

Nobody cares if you lose your virginity, what's more you crying over a fight with your partner. Bollocks!

3) "Even motherfuckers love their mothers" - Obefiend

This has got to be the best quote so far this year. Period! Oh another one;

"Trick or tits?" - Exotica

Hilarious, ain't it?

4) I think my personal life is going haywire. I mean, seriously, what does it mean when I silently start to enjoy smoking? Last month alone, I had the 3rd stick of my life. What's the big deal, you would argue.

Hell man, I know I'm in a deep shit when smoking suddenly comes into picture. Lucky now I am an adult. Problem is, as much relaxed I am with smoking, I have to say, I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. Plus, my skin will not allow myself to pursue this interest. I have history of skin condition, I am allergic to smoke. End of story. So let's take one final puff. The 4th one it is.

On The Record

It is not a good sign when my mood towards FG#2 is subject to the happiness level of me and FG#1. When it comes to making a choice, I can be a bitch. I wonder how some people can love more than a soul at one time. Because I seriously can't.

Falling so much for FG#1 is not exactly a good idea, but we are so involved, I can't just drop him off my life. What I have for him is, yes, love.

I think what I have for FG#2 is, hope. Possible future hope.

Oh yea, I'm writing this solely because I'm having a cold war with FG#1. Somehow, this affects me greatly. Little did I know, how much I could miss him.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


I am too much spoilt with food right now. Either at home or outside. FG#1 has been feeding me with super great food, day in day out. The home-cooked ones. The traditional ones.

And I have forced him trying nasi lemak, and to my surprise, he loved it. Knowing my cooking skill is at primary school level, he has been the one cooking, religiously. I, in turn, have been the one eating, religiously.

No, my life is not awesome. I am just trying to make it look like one. Anyway, the above scribble is nothing but the truth.

Friday, October 22, 2010


Ini ialah sebuah bot atau sampan kalau kau mahu tukar terma. Fungsi tetap sama, membelah laut dan sungai ke arah destinasi tertentu.

Ini ialah sebuah kitab atau buku kalau mahu terma yang berbeza. Fungsi tetap sama, membelah setiap halaman ke arah maklumat tertentu.

Ini ialah sebuah kehidupan atau dunia dalam terma yang lain. Fungsi tetap sama, membelah fikrah manusia ke arah tujuan tertentu.

Ini ialah aku, atau kau dalam kata ganti diri yang berbeza. Fungsi tetap sama, cuma objeknya berbeza. Aku dan kau, walaupun serupa dalam pelbagai segi, jiwa kita tetap dua.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Some Things Are Just Too Good To Be True

During a conversation with favourite guy #2;

'I always have a soft spot for guys who linger in bookstores, either reading books or buying some. And the blokes who read in trains.'

'But I never go to bookstores, what's more buying books.'

'Exactly sayang.'

'Any more soft spot that you have?'

'Quirky guys who can speak real stuff when it comes to serious matter.'

'I ain't one I suppose'

'Exactly. Exactly. But you are you. And I love you.'

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Watchmen

If you are a Facebook junkie like me, you must have noticed the recent trend of people uploading loads of videos, be it music videos or wedding reception videos. Not to forget the 'hereafter is coming, so let's repent' kind of videos.

Actually, I have nothing against this latest trend, people like to share, so whatever. Post anything, I don't mind, so long as they don't post annoying childish statuses.

But herein lies the problem. The video watchers have this strange habit, that after watching, they feel obliged to comment on that certain video. Some video posters are a culprit too. Which you know, irks me. These are the same people who love posting stupid statuses, and when they comment on videos, well what kind of comment should be expected? Exactly, stupid comments with spelling and grammar errors here and there.

I, myself love watching the videos also. But I rarely ever comment on those, except for a few that to me, are worth commenting on. I find it strange to comment every single video.

Is it hard to just watch it and shut the fuck up? Even though you like the content so much, or despise it, keep your opinion to yourself, unless you feel it is necessary to voice out your thought. Most of the times, I find the opinions are unnecessarily published. Seriously speaking. And then they go about preaching on the Facebook status the damage of trashing others behind their backs, something like that.

I mean, helloooo these people seriously know how to tickle me to death. I literally laugh. What a contradiction in persona.

That makes me question, did these people really go to school? Or did they have rough childhood? Or perhaps another case of holier-than-thou?

In case you are wondering, as bitter as I may look, I had a wonderful childhood. No kidding.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


As if we had just known each other for one week, I made a confession to favourite guy #2.

"You must know this, since we are going to spend a lot of time together. I curse. A lot that you cannot imagine how splendid I sound when cursing."

"Uh huh. I've long noticed that."

"No. This is real. I really do curse. And another thing, I sometimes have dirty mind and I talk dirty with my gang."

*clearing throat* "Okay. That's a head up, it's good to know. I sometimes talk dirty with my gang too."

"Haha. Your gang consist of all boys. My gang have both sexes. And you are in big trouble, unless you can handle this newfound truth."

"Ah well, now at least the sky is clearer."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

On The Twelfth Hour

Ever since I've been less critical whilst writing at my old home, some folks have been wondering of the sudden change of my writing style. I mean, I no longer curse over there. They, ladies and gentlemen, know nothing of this new home of mine.

My reason is simple. The lesser people know of this new home, the better it will be for my reputation. Because here, except a good 10 people I personally invited them to read, none of you actually know me in person. Which is good, I can be whoever I want here. I can bitch, and be an angel at the same time. The best thing of all, both favourite guys do not know I am writing here. Simply because I see little reason for them to know pun.

And well, you will also see no picture of me. You guess right, I am deliciously beautiful, use your wild imagination, you get my blessing. Ahhh, it feels safe to be in control.

A little bit of information about me. I don't do 9-5 McJob. At least, not anymore. Right now, I'm resting on my laurels and my back hurts for I've been in bed for the last 20 hours. But you know what, I love this. By November, however, I would be in full swing.

So there you go. 11:57:03, that is my wake-up morning time. Another bit, I hate Hitler but I kind of had a crush on him once.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

These Also Are Becoming Quite A Trend

1) Ini satu benda wajib, saban minggu mesti ada. Buka Facebook pagi Isnin, mesti ada salah empat belas orang akan meletakkan status berbunyi 'Bosannya Monday Blues', 'Aku benci Isnin, argh!!!', more or less macam ni.

Kemudian buka Facebook pagi Jumaat, status begini pula keluar; 'Yesssss hari minggu yang dinanti-nantikan', 'Bestnya, tak sabar nak cuti'. Fenomena jaringan sosial maya yang tipikal kan.

2) Many late 80s babies are starting to settle down. Some have even started a family. I ada rakan sebaya yang sudah beranak tiga okey. Dan macam biasalah, the usual crappy question will linger, 'Kau bila lagi? Best wooo kahwin'.

Being the usual me, I akan jawab 'esok kahwin'. Simple and deep. Even my makciks and pakciks and jirans have been pestering my Dame with the same question. Typical Malays attempting to berbasa-basi. Which is annoying and irritating.

My goal in life is to be happy. If marriage happens to give me happiness, someday I will settle down. But no, currently I don't see it as the fundamental of happiness. Money is. Love is. Travelling is. Having fun is. Tunggulah dah banyak duit, 5/6 tahun lagi.

Ada pula yang berbunyi lepas tu, 'Duit bukan segala-galanya, kahwin kan sunat'. Biasanya akan diceramah oleh mereka yang tak ada cita-cita lain dalam hidup selain daripada besuami/isteri dan bersenggama. Mr and Mrs, let's have this conversation once we turned 50, shall we? Only then will we know how well/bad we become.

The idea of settling down just to make others happy or to basically follow the already lame bestnya-kahwin fad, it irks me. Lagi-lagi kalau duit hantaran pakai loan, belanja kahwin besar-besar, lepas tu duit habis terpaksa tinggal dengan mak bapak. Atau tinggal sendiri dalam keadaan kena ikat perut, tengah bulan gaji habis since gaji kena deduct personal loan bank (loan kahwin), lepas tu ada hati nak beranak banyak. This is one irresponsible act of foolishness. Agaknya sebab tu ramai budak-budak yang bodoh piang. Mak ayah kahwin, tapi tak pernah menuntut ilmu perkahwinan. Ilmu kuat tenaga batin saja yang sibuk dicari.

3) Lagi berkenaan Facebook. I just don't understand how some guys can be freely emotional whilst posting their statuses. It freaks me out when they practically pour out their every detail of emotions, on how sad they feel, how heartbroken, how happily in love, how they put I-love-you-NorAmalina every now and then.

I guess some guys are fragile (geli kot) like girls, and some girls are not like typical girls. I would never giggle or brag around if my boyfriend was so open with his feelings in public. Eeuww!

4) Babytalk. Makan jadi mamam, tidur jadi tito, sakit jadi cakit, busuk jadi mucuk, sayang jadi cayang. All of which irritate me a lot. I'm done being a baby 20 odd years ago. Can we be adults now, and talk like one?

5) Blackberry craziness?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Violent Hill

PRMPNKCK has written something about Chris Martin. My fucking beloved Chris Martin. I could see the snippets from my dashboard. But up until now, whenever I open up her page, the entry is nowhere to be found. Has she somehow deleted the entry? But why?

PRMPNKCK, if you are reading this, kindly please offer me somekind of explanation. Because you owe me one. I introduced him to you, if my memory serves me correctly. And one more thing, I want Gucci's Flora for my upcoming birthday.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Imma Bimbo Get Me Outta Here

You know why I curse? To add volume and tone to my expression.

Show me one fine lady who curses not for the purpose of seeking attention.

Because I am one attention-seeking bimbo. So, suit yourself.

And exactly the reason I don't mingle with my students. Or fuddle duddle with 'em. Haha!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

After All, I Still Have A Bimbo Living In My Head

Been asking my favourite sister whether I should ditch favourite guy #2 for everyone's sake. The reasons for ditching are;

1) maneuvering two wheels at a time is no easy work. Lots of lying and acting up every now and then as to not hurt the other 'quarter'.

2) #2 knows the existence of #1, but #1 doesn't have any idea there is even a #2. I'm sure #1 will kill #2 if he finds out. Literally speaking.

3) Even though I always said I would end up marrying #2, because of our long history and past chemistry, now I am not so sure. Little did I know he could be this attention deprived. However, marrying #1 is out of question. I can never ever be married to him, even he knows this already.

4) #1 has been slightly suspicious. One morning, he asked who had rung me up at 6.50 in the morning, with 5 missed calls before then. So again, I had to lie. Anyways, I also have my own suspicion on him as well. Yeah I may not speak his language, but I ain't dumb either. That's why I effing love google.

But no, I ain't gonna confront him or do anything. Why do damage over something petty? For now, we are great together, we talk, we share, we love, we kiss. And he's always here. It feels just like having a relationship with myself. On the other hand, who ever get married to himself, eh? If he's having an affair, which I doubt he is in this country, what fuck can I do. I'm trying to be realistic here. The button is with me, it is my call if I want to press it.

5) #2 has been reporting his daily activity, almost every single day. Now, that pisses me off. Frankly, I don't give a damn what my other 'quarters' do, they can do whatever they want, go everywhere they please, meet anyone they wish to, just do not report every single detail. Because I myself don't like to report up my daily activity. I trust them, they trust me. Life should be this simple. If you cannot trust your significant other, why bother being in relationship in the first place? Again, everyone has the button to press.

6) Numbering people is not exactly very nice to do, you know. It makes me look bitchy. Although I can be and am a bitch, I always try my best to conceal that very unflattering fact.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


Baru sudah mengambil kuiz personaliti berdasarkan warna. Fuck, sebiji-sebiji, seketul-seketul butir deskripsi dia terkena batang hidung.

Did I mention I was a brown lover? Double eff, I still am.

Mungkin aku patut keluar lebih banyak, ekspres lebih emosi, jangan ditahan-tahan perasaan bila kemahuan dan keperluan dinafikan, dan cuba alami pelbagai anekdot dengan lebih kerap.

Pendek kata, patutlah aku bergelumang dalam industri yang dipenuhi dengan manusia berkarakter Jonathan McQuarry. Tapi bercita-cita mahu hidup bersama lelaki seakan Thom Yorke.

Okey, aku tak sebut tentang berkahwin kan? Hanya mahu hidup bersama. Pergi lantak sama lelaki kegemaran kedua serta fantasi perkahwinan dan idea berkeluarga dia.

Fuck, sebiji-sebiji, seketul-seketul butir deskripsi dia terkena batang hidung.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


1) I suka lelaki yang berbulu. Lelaki berbulu selalu di-associatekan dengan bad body odour disebabkan peluh melekat pada bulu-bulu mereka maka;

2) Lelaki tersebut mestilah wangi, yakni berkawan baik dengan minyak wangi, deodorant segala jadah. My biggest turn off in men is when they either have bad body odour or they don't produce any odour at all.

3) Mereka yang menaip menggunakan ejaan yang penuh merupakan antara manusia kegemaran I. Serius I akan respect habis. To me, cara kau menulis menunjukkan sejauh mana daya intelek kau. Memang bias, sebab tak semuanya macam tu. Tapi, I berani jamin, 90% orang yang menulis guna macam-macam short form jahanam adalah manusia yang tak berapa berkualiti otak mereka, walaupun belajar tinggi.

4) Buat masa ni, I sangat tertarik dengan sesiapa sahaja yang terlibat dalam bidang architecture, baik bekerja ataupun belajar. Kalau dulu, budak law. Hakikatnya, I selalu stuck up dengan mereka yang terlibat dalam bidang kejuruteraan, terutamanya elektrik. Ah bosan. Minta maaf, budak line accountancy tak pernah termasuk dalam kategori kegemaran I.

5) Tak lupa juga mereka yang fasih berbahasa Inggeris. Tak perlu slang British ke apa, fasih saja sudah cukup. Sebab I suka berbual dalam Bahasa Inggeris, even dengan kawan baik I pun. Bahasa Melayu bukan tak best, cuma kau faham-faham saja lah orang Melayu dengan obsesi Bahasa Melayu dia. Padahal SPM pun dapat 6C. Sebenarnya tak penting pun untuk mention, tapi I nak tulis juga. I dapat A1 untuk paper Bahasa Melayu. Penggunaan bahasa ibunda I lagi bagus daripada kau-kau yang mengutuk aku suka berbahasa penjajah. Yang kau kaki tengok bola Liga Inggeris, berjoget sakan dengar lagu Lady Gaga tu tak macam perangai penjajah?

Melayu dengan Melayu, kadang-kadang suka berperangai bangsat. Kalau Mat Salleh datang KL, bukan main lembut gigi dari lidah. So much holier-than-thou.

6) Disebabkan kata carutan dalam Bahasa Melayu kebanyakkannya berbunyi lebih keras, maka I gemar mencarut dalam bahasa ibunda. Contohnya bangsat. Sekufu Bahasa Inggeris dia ialah sonofabitch. Sama-sama keras.

7) India. I memang nak sangat pergi sana. Semuanya disebabkan I nak cuba naik keretapi di sana, nak cuba teroka kehidupan orang di sana. I rasa India akan beri I banyak pengajaran untuk dipelajari. Life wise.

8) Filem perang. Dalam bahasa apa jua. Cerita terbaik kategori ini masih lagi 'Saving Private Ryan' dan 'The Pianist'. I suka storyline yang melibatkan Nazi dan Yahudi. Kalau orang lain menonton filem untuk menenangkan minda, maka mereka memilih filem bergenre ringan, I pula menenangkan minda dengan menonton filem bergenre berat. Lagi pecah kepala I untuk cuba memahamkan sesebuah filem, lebih tenang minda I. Twists dalam storyline adalah orgasm untuk I.

Begitu juga dengan filem bergenre sarcastic dan politik. Dahulu kala I bercita-cita untuk menjadi peguam, jadi tak hairan lah kot I minat menonton filem-filem begini. Antara all time favourite adalah 'Munich' dan 'Inglourious Basterds'. Tak ramai yang boleh faham dengan filem genre sarcastic, yang mana ia menjadi satu kelebihan buat I, kerana I boleh faham.

9) Gadgets. I merupakan seorang hantu gadget yang mild, di mana I suka bertukar ganti barang berteknologi setelah I bosan dengan barang sedia ada. Buat masa ini, I sudah ada Mac Pro dalam koleksi. Xperia juga. Canon EOS juga. I bercadang untuk menambah sebuah lagi telefon bimbit, kemungkinan besar akan membeli sebuah Blackberry.

Faktor trend mungkin menjadi titik tolak kepada kegilaan I bergadget. Dan I mempunyai sebuah gitar akustik, walaupun masih belum tahu memainkan gitar tersebut. Niatnya mahu belajar, buku not muzik sudah ada.

10) Tempe, durian dan sandwich. Setiap tengah hari ketika lunch break pejabat, sekiranya I makan nasi berlauk, I akan memilih tempe sebagai lauk utama dipadankan dengan sayur. Tempe kentang dan sayur. Memang menu wajib, in fact, itu saja menu I kalau bernasi campur.

I juga hantu durian. I pernah makan durian untuk sarapan, makan tengah hari, makan petang dan malam. Tanpa menjamah sebutir nasi dan apa jua makanan lain sekali pun. Malah, I tiada masalah langsung kalau disuruh tidur bersebelahan dengan durian. Bau durian adalah harum bagi I. Selain itu, I mahir mengopek buah durian. Lelaki kegemaran I juga hantu durian. Tapi I tak gemar akan minat dia terhadap durian. Setiap kali dia berdurian, I akan mengenakan satu undang-undang mandatori. Never kiss me when you smell of durian. I memang sangat tidak aci.

Sandwich adalah makanan kegemaran I. Tak kisah lah apa jenis rupa sandwich pun, termasuklah shawerma. Kalau disuruh memilih antara nasi dan sandwich, I tak teragak-agak untuk memilih sanwich. Sampai ke tahap I merasakan sandwich yang dihidangkan oleh AirAsia adalah sangat sedap. Walaupun sandwich dia bodoh simple saja. Mungkin sebab I bodoh kot. Heh.

11) Apa-apa yang namanya bermula daripada huruf J. Semua nama barang-barang I berpangkalkan huruf J. Kamera I bernama Joni, gitar dipanggil Jeezus, sarung kotak tisu berupa harimau dipanggil John Tiger, Xperia dinamakan Johan. Macbook bernama Jeremi.

Monday, September 13, 2010


I hate cats. They are a nuisance. Any cat, I'd shoo them away if they came near me. Yes, I fucking hate cats.

In contrast, my old folks feed cats all the time. I'm not sure it is love-related or purely an act of being nice to God creatures, but I always have some tricks up my sleeves when they ask me to feed some random cats.

I know many people who adore cats so much, that they would even have cats as pets, bathe them, feed them, nurture them. To me personally, cats are spoilt creature. Once you get yourself too close to them, they would step over your head. Plus the perangai mengada-ngada.

Cats ought to hate me. It's mandatory, because I would give them wild stare if they ever come near me.

But I love dogs. Only cute dogs. And I don't mind at all seeing dogs roaming around my neighborhood, sleeping under my car. Dogs are cuter than cats. Period. And I love cute creatures. Because I myself am one. Double period.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Remorse (A Dedication To Perempuan Kacak)

Countless times I have said before, that I am not a family person. In the sense that I love spending quality time with them, doing things and relaxing together; no I just don't do these. To me, family means headache. Of course, I'm talking about my family.

When other people keep obsessing themselves by how much they miss family, I certainly don't. It makes me sound rather snobbish, aren't I? But hell, that's the truth. And I'm not alone. My sister also shares the same sentiment, to the extent she would stay at my place for a night before going home to the family.

I do love my family, except my brother. Wow, I am bluntly making a confession. That's it. I guess, my brother is the root problem of me not fancying time with family. Oh well, me and my brother, we have been having difficult relationship since forever. Me and him, we never gel, never click. Only one thing that can keep us in one head. Playstation and PC games.

And the fact that our parents keep siding my brother also irks me a lot. And my sister has shown her resentment as well. I don't mind if he was a good brother, a good son, by helping the family and being there when he was needed the most. But no. He is not the kind of son every mother would be grateful to have, but of course, my family will conceal the fact by some acting here and there whenever we go for some big family gathering. And everybody would assume this brother of mine was such a good bloke. This stupid acting does irk me too.

Sometimes, I find my family weird in our own way. In a Bree Van der Kamp kind of way, if you know what I mean. My house is very very clean, you can spot no dust at all, yet my mother shakes her head everytime she enters the house, as if a volcano just explodes in there. And she adores perfection, everything must be perfect, including her children. Whatever issues we have internally, when we go out, we have to ditch those issues, stage a play of how perfect we are as a family. Whilst my father is a cooking junkie, but he is the most normal member in the family. At least he feeds us good, fattening food.

As for my sister, she smartly keeps her rebellious side under careful wrap. In a way, the heat is always on me, because unlike her, I show my resentment, dissatisfaction clearly. This doesn't go down well with my mother. As you can read from my earliest entries, she has been dead worried of me, been stalking me and trying to get a grip on me as tightly as possible. And I, I try to escape from family time as much as possible.

The truth is, I try to get loose from her grip, because sometimes, she can be suffocating and demanding. I, for one, am not her biggest fan when it comes to her giving free sermons, on how this and that should be done yada yada. Because when I logicalise (I invent this word, don't wiki it) her stand, I just cannot relate it to the way she treats her children. Make no mistake, she is a very good mother, like Bree, but there's a big but. She gives in to her son too much, she lets my brother to get things his own way. And of course, the other children do not agree. So they suppress the feelings, as to not severe the situation.

You see, I am not proud with whatever I am currently doing with myself, because I know in the end, I will end up losing myself. But seeing how stupendous things with family have been going, the least I could do is, entertain myself with whatever distraction I can get my hands on. Or else, I lock myself at home, talk to no one, do nothing, sleep in for long hours. And wait for favourite people to ring me up, persuading me to go out.

Internal problems like these, the solution is simple. We should hold family talk, pour the words out, apologise, get everybody pleased at the end of the day. But my family is the exception.

Family talk doesn't work. Because among us, we hardly ever talk. Same goes to feeling sorry. We never apologise, in an honest kind of way. Forceful apology is the only 'correct thing' we do to keep the harmony intact.

I am good at making fake gestures. And I learn these from family.