Saturday, July 31, 2010

Selamat Tengah Hari Bekas Tanganku. Ini Ada Sedikit Luahan.

The fuck would you show the room you make love to public viewing? All the same time, you preach about being a true Malay and Muslim, true to local culture.


And when some random onlookers condemned you hard in the guts, you went ballistic. The fact that they know me as one of your long histories disgraces me. They started asking "Was he like that when you guys were together?"


No, we weren't like that. I would've puked blood if we were ever like that.


I'm thinking, the reason you parade your happy marriage to everyone is just your way to communicate to me. Saying how happy you are. And the only thing you can see from my life is how gloomy it is.


You know, I won't parade my life to public. Because baby, I too, am living in Cloud 9. The difference is, I never tell you this.


Selamat berpuasa.



Praktikal

Di pejabat I sekarang sudah ada seorang budak praktikal. Baru masuk lebih kurang dua minggu lepas. Disebabkan I staf yang lebih senior, ditambah dengan kesibukan bos-bos I, jadi sudah tentulah tanggungjawab membantu dan mengajar budak praktikal tersebut jatuh di atas bahu I.


Maka bersungguhlah I mengajar apa yang patut, bagaimana nak menggunakan sistem itu ini, bagaimana berurusan dengan bank dan sewaktu dengannya.


Bila masuk alam praktikal, walaupun kau tak pernah ada pengalaman bekerja, kau kena hold on pada ilmu teori yang kau pelajari semasa di kampus. Macam dalam bidang akaun ni. Walaupun pada dasarnya budak ni tak pernah langsung bekerja, tak bermakna lah dia boleh leka tak tahu apa-apa langsung, to the extent jurnal entri transaksi biasa pun I kena beritahu satu persatu.


Dia datang berpraktikal bagaikan sebiji tin kosong yang kalau kau ketuk, memang bisinglah bunyi tin tu. Analogi mudah la kan. Datang berpraktikal tanpa ada ulang kaji, tanpa sebarang preparation. Kadang-kadang I terfikir, apa benda yang dia belajar di kolej kalau benda simple macam ni pun tak tahu.


Paling tak tahan bila skil berbahasa Inggeris dia sangat lemah. Kau bayangkan bila dia tanya maksud wages, depreciation, vendor, secretarial fee pada I. Oh tak lupa juga soalan cepu emas dia baru-baru ni.


Di pejabat, ada sebuah water dispenser, yang mana boleh dipilih sama ada mahu air panas atau sejuk. Dia bertanya pada I;

'Kak, air panas belah mana? Yang merah ke yang biru?' (merujuk kepada dua corong air)


Sekarang kau bagitahu, wajar tak I jadi grumpy sekarang?



Dan I perasan, budak praktikal ni suka bercakap sorang-sorang.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Bagus


Sebenarnya takut nak bersuara pada ayah tentang projek mega.

Berpeluh.

Tapi I buat tenang saja.


Alhamdulillah, kita tengok macam mana.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Fret Yes

Few of my cousins are getting married soon. At least 3 of them, and another one has just recently got engaged. Instead of the soon-to-be brides and grooms, I am the one having the biggest headache right now.


Well you know the drill, when your extended family started asking about your turn to settle down. If you were me, and you replied 'I have not given much thought about it yet', be very prepared. They would start frying you.


Sometimes I wonder why are we making marriage a big fuss so much. Pretty depressing, you know. To every young dude and boob.


Personally, I really haven't given much thought about settling down. Simply because the idea of it looks very very scary.


This is me being honest.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Alumni

Lately, I've been associating myself with my former schoolmates. Been contacting and meeting them, we have even set up a committee to arrange upcoming activities. Surprisingly, I am one of the board members of the committee.


I said 'surprisingly', largely due to me-never-fancy-reminiscing-the-schooldays-beentheredonethat. So well now I'm back to finding my roots. These people are actually fun to hang with. We trade stories, swap jokes, share drinks, pat each other's back.


Hopefully, the now grown-up us can contribute something to the society, or perhaps to the school.


Yes, sometimes it feels good to jog down the memory lane. And it's good that I'm socialising with different people with different walk of lives.

--

I think my writing fluency is diminishing. It is hard to write long paragraphs anymore. Even harder to find relevant subjects to write about. If I bore you with petty craps, pardon me please.


Promise I will start writing something worth reading.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Breed And Get Drunk

I am not a fan of midnight movie, though sometimes I like the idea of going for movies during wee hours. Since I am a young adult, and my obligation is restricted only to myself, plus I am single, no kids in tow, well basically, I risk only myself, so I see little reason to restrict my occasional or perhaps rare midnight movie treats. At some point of time.


But it bugs me whenever I see young families (obviously with kids) catching midnight movies. It bugs me a lot. Because I feel sorry for the kids, when they are supposed to be sleeping soundly at home, their young parents drag them to watch some movies, jeopardising everyone's safety.


I get it, midnight movies are fun to watch, the outing can be romantic and yada yada, but be very careful. You are distrupting your children's biological clock, distrupting their routine. It bothers me how some parents can be so ignorant, so senseless, yet they breed like mosquitoes.


It is like you possess a fancy toy, without having any clue on how to operate it.


You can mess with toy, any toy.

Problem is, you cannot mess with your kids, what's more with their lives.

Grow up. Don't breed if you clearly are not equipped enough.


Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hold On Dearly

I read this somewhere. Quite a long time ago.


'Truly liberal people don't breed.'




Somehow, I kinda understand this line now. On grounds that when they breed, they will either raise a human or a monster. In both cases, they have to forego their life testament, partly or wholly. And in case you don't know, truly liberal people hold highly to their own testament.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Drug Buddy

When my closest friend called me out of the blue (she rarely calls, her handphone is not her drug buddy definitely), upon saying hello and exchanging few greetings, I couldn't stop myself from asking;

"Babe are you okay? I mean, are you really okay? Is there anything bothering you?"


She said no. She was just calling for the sake of calling, and she said she misses me. I laughed. Out loud. Not because her missing me was funny, but because her calling me was indeed funny. In a good way funny.


Suddenly I realised how much I had been missing her. I miss my drug buddy. I can easily get drunk by talking to her.


Purple coach, if you are reading this which I doubt you are, I'd name my upcoming gadget Joseph, in the spirit of my utmost love for you bebeh. Please don't scare me with your random phone calls when you rarely even text me.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Phase

Love is funny. You just don't know why you care, all of a sudden, when you have been preaching against it.

And you care so much.

So much that you start to miss. Every single thing.

Then you start to pray, you instill hope, may it last forever.



Unfortunately, it doesn't. You know the drill.

So you live for the moment. As they say it, present is a gift.

For now, you buy the idea. Because you are well, all smitten.

I've told you.

Love is funny.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Suai Kenal

This is not exactly a secret.

Wunderbar sebenarnya seorang yang sangat moody, selalu saja tak puas hati, tak senang duduk dan pemarah.


Jadi kadang-kadang akan muncul tulisan yang agak lantang. Namun dia sangat suka menulis.

Dan Wunderbar juga seorang self-confessed narcissist. Bak kata orang, macam bagus-bagus saja.


Well, good day people.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Remuk

Bila sudah ada kekasih, kau terus terang saja pada mantan-mantan yang masih berhubung rapat sama kau. Supaya mudah, tak perlu nak berdolak-dalik bila mereka sudah tahu.


Dan supaya mereka tahu, kena hands off you. Tak ada lah mereka sibuk memasang harapan yang beriya kau taburkan. Baik lelaki, baik perempuan.


Let say kau tak beritahu, kemudian satu hari mereka tahu juga, kau admit saja. Angguk dan iyakan saja. Sudah terang lagi bersuluh, apa lagi mahu nafi. Kau pun jangan ingat mereka tagih sangat sayang kau. Kisah sudah lepas, kalau dua-dua sudah boleh move on dan berpacaran baru, maka tiada isu.


Cuma isunya wujud bila kau masih nak karang cerita, tentang sekian-sekian sebab musabab kau berpacar baru. Bersebab atau tidak, munasabah atau tidak, hakikatnya tetap sama. Kau sudah ada kekasih baru. Jadi, segala usaha untuk men-justify-kan basis percintaan kau adalah tidak relevan. They just don't care, for it will not change a thing.


Hanya dua puluh sen I. Juga applicable sekiranya sudah bertunang dan berkahwin.


Truth hurts. But let's not forget;

Karma is a bitch.


Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Good Son (Tertakluk Kepada Golongan Majoriti)

Kawan-kawan rapat I selalu kompelin tentang masalah domestik famili mereka. Berkenaan ketidakpuasan hati terhadap adik-beradik lelaki mereka, yang seakan-akan tidak berfungsi langsung di rumah, hanya tahu makan dan tidur dan menyepahkan isi rumah. Berkenaan adik-beradik perempuan yang overworked, asyik saja dibebani dengan semua kerja rumah. Juga berkenaan treatment mak ayah terhadap anak-anak turut berlainan, di mana anak lelaki selalu tidak diapa-apakan, walhal anak perempuan selalu dijaga-jagakan.


Bak kata orang, jaga anak lelaki ni mudah, tapi kalau jaga anak perempuan, susahnya macamkan membela sekandang lembu. Gila fucker punya kata bidalan.


Sebenarnya, I juga banyak kompelin tentang isu yang sama. Siap pernah luahkan pada mak. Tapi biasalah, terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak perbuatan tanggung sendiri. Kebanyakan mereka yang rapat dengan I tahu betapa I musuh benar dengan abang I. Ini bukan kes middle-child syndrome. Kalau tak, masakan adik I boleh menyimpan pendapat yang sama seperti I.


Orang Melayu ni cara hidupnya unik. Untuk anak perempuan, segala ilmu ekonomi rumah tangga diturunkan, dipaksanya mereka belajar. Tujuannya satu. Nanti dah kahwin, takde lah malu dengan keluarga mertua. Ilmu memasak tu nombor satu. Tak pandai masak nasi, tak boleh kahwin. Tak pandai itu, tak boleh ini. Macam-macam lah peraturan. Itu belum lagi masuk bab penjagaan sosial.


Anak perempuan tak boleh balik malam, paling lambat sebelum Maghrib. Cuba lah kau balik pukul 10 malam, tak pasal-pasal kena pelempang malam tu juga. Kemudian, tak boleh keluar dengan lelaki, kawan dengan lelaki pun mesti seminimal mungkin. Anak perempuan juga mesti cemerlang di sekolah. Tapi secemerlang mana pun kau, prioriti utama adalah ilmu ekonomi rumah tangga. Sebab tu, orang dulu-dulu pun cakap, sepandai-pandai pun kau perempuan, duduk di dapur juga nanti, jadi tak payahlah belajar tinggi-tingi, nanti kalah lelaki. Ini satu lagi pepatah neraka.


Cara orang Melayu tipikal membesarkan anak perempuan memang sangat berbeza dengan anak lelaki. Berat sebelah memang tak payah cakap lah. Anak lelaki saja yang mesti lebih, mesti selesa, mesti utama, mesti kenyang, mesti itu, mesti ini. Anak perempuan mesti macam orang gaji. Mak kau dulu pun macam tu bila nenek kau besarkan mak, so sekarang turn kau pula Nurul Fatiha untuk rasa sengsara tu. Hidup untuk keselesaan anak lelaki.


Majoriti anak lelaki Melayu dibesarkan begini. Masuk saja darjah satu, sudah dibiar-biarkan. Alah, biarlah budak lelaki, memang selalu saja bergaduh. Alah, budak lelaki baru nak membesar, nanti dah besar pandai lah dia belajar sendiri.


Anak lelaki nak itu, itu diberikan. Mahu ini, ini diberikan. Sedari kecil, tak dididik betul-betul. Lepas makan, terus cuci tangan, padahal pinggan dibiar atas meja. Nak mandi, baju dicampak-campak saja dalam bilik, nanti mak atau adik perempuan akan kutip satu persatu seluar dalam. Nak makan, mereka hanya perlu duduk saja di kerusi makan, makanan akan dihidangkan. Sebab apa? Mudah saja. Kerja-kerja ringan sebegini sejak dari zaman Paleolitik lagi sudah menjadi kerja wanita. Lelaki dipertanggungjawabkan untuk membuat kerja-kerja yang berat, seperti memburu binatang dan membina tempat berteduh. Maka, sifat macam ni terbawa-terbawa sehingga ke akhir zaman ni.


Kerja ringan, perempuan buat. Lelaki buat kerja-kerja berat saja. Hey, kau cuba bagitahu, zaman sekarang ni relevan lagi kah pergi berburu? Dan siapa yang bina rumah sekarang kalau bukan buruh kasar? Lelaki Melayu sekarang mana ada lagi yang kena buat kerja berat. Paling berat pun ialah membuat anak. Tukar mentol rumah pun kadang-kadang ada yang panggil electrician.


Atas sebab ini lah I sangat tak suka sama abang I, yang hanya tahu membongkang tidur sampai ke petang, malam hari keluar sampai ke pagi. Aktiviti biasa setiap kali dia balik dari bekerja di pulau. Bila I kompelin sama mak, beliau hanya boleh mengeluh. Yes, silap masa lampau, apa boleh buat. Mohon ampun saja pada Tuhan moga dilembutkan hati lelaki ini. Sudah lah kadang-kadang hilang hormat sama mak ayah. Ayah juga tidak menegur, mungkin ketika zaman muda, beliau juga begitu. Yang sakit hatinya, mak masih saja mahu menyiapkan makanan untuk dia, mengemas bilik untuk dia. Anak, air dicincang tak akan putus. I faham dilema begini. Cuma acapkali I cuba nak rasional-kan.


Nasib baik juga abang I bukan mat rempit, cuma menghadapi masalah anak lelaki Melayu tipikal yang malas menggalas tanggungjawab yang disyariatkan agama Islam. Lelaki-lelaki begini, cakap saja pandai. Contohnya, lelaki boleh berkahwin empat jikalau mampu. Ada hati pula nak pasang empat. Kau mungkin mampu dari segi material, bai. Dari segi tanggungjawab, apa kau betul-betul mampu? Puasa Ramadhan pun tercirit-cirit, nak bercakap soal nikah lagi.


Mungkin you boleh kata pendapat I berat sebelah, hanya mengambil kira sisi anak perempuan saja. Tapi you know what, in my family, I was raised that way. That weird funny way. Cuma I tetap puji mak ayah I dalam bab-bab lain. Tapi kalau bab membesarkan anak lelaki, I sangat pelik dengan cara mereka, cara orang Melayu secara dasarnya.


Kadang-kadang, bila I bangun pagi pada hujung minggu, I selalu menjenguk ke luar tingkap bilik. Dan I selalu ternampak jiran berketurunan Tiong Hua I yang berumur 17 tahun sibuk menjemur pakaian di ampaian. Kemudian menyapu dan mengemop laman rumah. Menariknya, dia budak lelaki. Setiap kali I lihat situasi begini, I selalu mengenangkan abang I yang pada waktu kejadian, sedang enak diulit mimpi setelah penat terkinja-kinja pada malam sebelumnya.


Jiran Melayu sebelah rumah I pun menghadapi dilema yang sama. Anak lelaki dewasa dan kanak-kanak mereka sikit punya hazab biadap. Tak puas hati saja, ditendang-tendang pintu rumah, dicampak-campak perabot, terjerit-jerit meninggi suara, babi kau babi mak sana-sini. Kami jiran sebelah rumah terpaksa membuat pekak saja.


Pernah suatu masa, ayah I mengadu pada makcik jiran sebelah tentang anak lelakinya yang masih bersekolah rendah asyik play truant. Acap kali ponteng sekolah. Mahu tahu apa respon makcik ini? 'Hmm kalau saya tegur, mesti mengamuk budak ni.' Ayah I terdiam. I yang menjadi pendengar cerita second hand juga terdiam. Kalau sudah takut sama anak lelaki, apa boleh buat. Mesti sudah screwed up habis hidup kau. Termasuklah hidup anak lelaki bertuah kau. Sebab tu I jadi marah dengan mak ayah yang tahu beranak saja. Anak ditatang-tatang. Kalau I, sudah lama I lempang.


Satu hari juga, I ke bank. Kemudian, datanglah sepasang suami isteri bersama anak perempuan mereka yang berumur kurang 4 tahun. Anak ini berlari sana-sini di dalam bank, cuba mencuri-curi masuk ke dalam bilik staf. Menampakkan hal ini, I tegur kakak tersebut. 'Kak, anak akak tu berlari-lari.'


Sambil tersenyum, kakak ini tergelak. Seraya berkata; 'Biarkan dia. Saya mahu dia jadi berani. Dari sekarang mahu train supaya tak takut orang.'


I diam. Dalam diam, I maki dalam hati. Bodoh piang punya mak ayah. Berani apa yang kau cuba nak tegakkan? Satu hari nanti, bila budak ini berani melawan, berani mencarut, berani melacur, kau ingat teguran aku di bank tempoh hari.


Entri ini I memang betul-betul marah. Semuanya disebabkan seorang lelaki Melayu yang tidak dikenali secara tiba-tiba menjeling I sambil melemparkan kata-kata nista berbunyi begini;


'Macam lah tak ada lelaki Melayu you boleh keluar dengan.'



Sonofabitch!


Dude

'Before I start saying anything, I want to say I love you so much.'


And I went Awwwwwww.


I like distraction. This kind of distraction makes me go yummy. Talking of distraction, my sister has been pestering me with serious conversation.


LS - Imagine if you mary him, ................... (forgot the exact topic)

BS - *chuckling* I don't think I want to marry him, let alone marrying him soon.

LS - Then why are you wasting your time with him? If you're at my age, I geddit. But you're now what, older than me obviously.

BS - I still want to marry a Malay guy, one who can accept my intelligence and he is intelligent as well. Sadly to say, so far all Malay guys I've gone out with want their girls to look dumber. With my current dude, he makes me look intelligent.

LS - *yawning*


See. I told you. I have funny taste in dating people.


Friday, July 16, 2010

Next Mission

For the past few weeks, I've been crazy about traveling to India. For real. After the last trip to Indonesia, where I had the chance to blend in with her people, hop on hop off every means of public transportation there, get my hands dirty, no luxury no easy peasy relaxing kind of holiday, I think I'm ready for India.


Indonesia was a good experience, a hard country to live in and to survive. But India, I bet it will be tougher over there. Luckily people there are known to be good English speakers, spare me the trouble to learn Hindi. Heh.


What makes me wanting to travel to India is because of the hard life there. Despite her ever-growing economy, India is generally a poor country, largely due to the high population. And high population contributes to big status gap, which leads to well, ladies and gentlemen, different lifestyles and cultures.


I am very confident I will learn a lot from India. All I need now is some travel companions, who do no mind getting their hands dirty.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Bertanya Punca

On a second thought, I think I know the anonymous who posted questions on my Formspring, asking the reasons for shutting my old blog down.


To be perfectly honest, Mr, you are one of the reasons. Too bad you can't read this.


And too bad I want you know nothing of me. Nothing because we had been incredible, yet we chose to stop being one. And I want nothing to do with you, no more.


Wunderbar is not someone you're familiar with. That makes it fine with me.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Access Card

The problem with staying in apartment/condo units is this.

Sometimes, the management of the said apartment/condo is a joke, when it is supposed to act on behalf of tenants and owners.


I just lost the access card to enter the apartment complex where I'm living. So, I went to the management office to get a new one. An officer there asked me whether I really wanted to replace a new one, since the cost of replacing it was expensive. Upon hearing his question, I replied with another question. I asked for any alternative move he could recommend.


He recommended me to really dig hard, to find the missing card. And I asked further;

W: While trying my hardest to find the card, in the mean time can I pass the entrance without having any problem with the security guard?

O: No you can't.

W: But I have the apartment sticker on my car. In having that, it shows I really do live here, right?

O: True. But still, it is important to have the access card to gain entrance.

W: What if the access card fell into someone's hand, someone random, he could just gain entrance without any hassle. Am I correct?

O: Yes. But the guard would need some verification that he was living here.

W: Okay, back to my earlier question, you are against me replacing the card, but if I don't have one, I will not get access to my own, I repeat, my own apartment, although I have a car sticker proving I live here. Where some stranger who doesn't live here can gain entrance just because he has the access card. Tell me, doesn't you think the system is somewhat funny?

O: I agree with you. But nothing I can do. I'm only following order.

W: So I want to get a new card now.

O: Sure? Or you want to search for it again?

W: Mr, I don't have time to play search-and-found. It may take days, or I may never find it. In the mean time, are you suggesting me to park my card outside the complex? Because no, I don't find that idea is brilliant. Because of your new rule of 'one house, one access card', I think all of the tenants here will be fighting to death to get parking space outside. So yeah, I need a new card. And by the way, I also need a second card, because in my unit, we have 2 cars.

O: Currently the rule is 'one house, one access card'.

W: I get it. But I bought this house. Not rent. I bought it. How can the management deny us, the owners a second card? Again, the system is truly funny. I can't believe now you are restricting us with the new policy, one house one car.


To sum this up, simply say, I'm so going to the AGM this coming 18th.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

Long Gone

Two of my favourite people had been spending some 'quality' time with Mr Ex Boyfriend, that one of them started texting me;

'I am now hanging with your ex and his wife.'

'Kirim salam sama dia' (send him my regards), I replied.


I was in the middle of my 12 hours sleep whilst receiving the great news. Immediately, I burst into laughter. Laughing in sleep. My weekend wasn't as dull as I had first expected.


The thing about Mr Ex Boyfriend is, up until now, all favourite people of mine cannot understand what I saw in him.


Frankly, I too haven't a clue.


But after 3 years of separation, I must say, I still have some funny taste in dating people.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Soalan Cepu Emas

Kenapa bila di luar kau tak sibuk mahu praktis berbahasa Inggeris, tapi di Facebook kau sibuk mahu berbahasa Inggeris, walaupun berterabur?

I tahu practice makes perfect, but on Facebook?

Sakit mata okay baca status yang banyak sangat kesalahan tatabahasa dan nahu. Padahal dalam kehidupan sebenar, bila orang berbahasa Inggeris dengan kau, kau tegakkan kepentingan berbahasa ibunda.

Apa pasal di Facebook dan kehidupan sebenar, peraturan berbahasa jadi berlainan?

Double standard atau inferiority complex issue?


Thursday, July 8, 2010

Home Run

On my good days, I can write like a lover serenading a love song to the other half, whole-heartedly.

On my bad days, I can write like a machine gun mouthing its bullets at full speed.

On my normal days, I just can't write anything. Not even a simple single sentence.


I'm starting to love this new writing home more and more. I know I have far far fewer readers here, but at least now, I can write in peace. I just feel sorry for those who genuinely have been reading my stuffs in silence at my previous home base, and they know nothing of my switching of home. Now they no longer can read my piece of thoughts.


If only I could tell them. But too much is at stake. I can't possibly risk telling them. So for now, a handful of readers per day is more than enough I suppose. After all, I don't write for you people to read, I write for me to keep. Someday, when I get older, I will have something to look back to, to see how wiser have I gone over the years.


My name is Wunderbar. Well, I don't speak Deutsche. Obviously no?


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Anonymess

Ever since my open declaration of me closing the old blog down, I've been bombarded with lots of criticisms over there. Some random anonymous(es) have been condemning me for being too blatantly critical and emotional when writing.


To respond to every negative feedback from there, I merely thanked them for reading, and I withdrew myself from being defensive whatsoever. They have got their point there. I have been so outspoken.


But but, despite thanking them, I too criticised them for hiding under the name of anonymous. Typical case of baling batu sembunyi tangan.


Cakap memang pandai, padahal sama saja perangai.


Frankly, I can't wait to officially shut the blog down. It's been dragging too much drama.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Common Mistake

Sepatutnya 'Thank God'. Bukannya 'Thanks God'.


Sepatutnya 'It means'. Bukannya 'Its means'.


Sepatutnya 'I am missing you'. Bukannya 'I am miss you'.


Sepatutnya 'You're welcome.' Bukannya 'Your welcome.'




Okay, kelas bersurai!


Monday, July 5, 2010

Most Favourite


Wunderbar's current obsession;


Sleeping 12 hours straight for 2 days, without interruption from family, friends and work. Wunderbar doesn't fancy caffeinating her body, so natural remedy like sleeping seems to be the best medication of all.

Oh, and Wunderbar needs a sleeping partner.


Saturday, July 3, 2010

Turn-Offs


Dulu, waktu zaman umur belasan tahun, ketika naif bercinta dengan kekasih tidak kacak, dia sebenarnya banyak membuatkan I rasa insecure dengan diri sendiri. Dia pernah label I tak elegen, stail tak berapa chic, kiranya tak berapa pandai nak melawa lah. I paling ingat part yang dia kata taste I tak elegen tu lah.


Tapi I redha saja. Sayang punya pasal. Mungkin juga bodoh punya pasal. Nak dijadikan cerita, hubungan kami tak lama atas sebab kecurangan dia. Baru-baru ni, dia sudah berkahwin. Bila difikir-fikir balik cerita kami dulu, I nak tergelak. Lagi-lagi bila I fikirkan stail isteri dia sekarang. Erm, probably definisi elegen bagi bekas kekasih I ni agak berlainan dengan definisi kamus universal. Entah, yang penting I nak tergelak juga lah bila rewind balik cerita lama.


I juga perasan yang kita ni selalu banyak angan-angan tentang pasangan idaman. Untuk lelaki, bakal pasangan dia mestilah cun, putih melepak, lemah lembut dan yada yada. Kalau perempuan, bakal pasangan dia mesti muka macam Korea, paling cikai pun ala-ala Aril AF ke, apa ke. More or less.


Jadi, mari I list down kan senarai jenis-jenis lelaki yang I tak berapa gemar nak kenal atau berdamping dengan (yes, I love direct English translation, sounds awkward macam haram). But at some point of time, I selalu saja tersepit dengan lelaki sebegini, sama ada mereka berada dalam kalangan kawan-kawan rapat I atau pun entah macam mana I pernah sangkut perasaan sama mereka.


1) Jenis yang pantang nampak cermin.

Yang ini memang a definite turn off. Kalau kau bersiap hanya ambil masa 10 minit, lelaki macam ni akan ambil masa setengah jam. Setiap kali melintasi kawasan yang ada cermin, let say, shopping stores yang berpintu cermin, setiap kali itu lah dia akan tengok diri sendiri dalam cermin, nak make sure rambut cacak dia tak jatuh.


2) Jenis yang berkira, dengan kekasih sendiri pula tu.

Kalau keluar bercanda, mesti ada sistem giliran siapa yang bayar. Hari ni dia bayar, hari esok kau bayar. Kalau perempuan tu jenis yang tak kisah, tak apa juga. Dapat pula kalau I ada kekasih macam ni, memang tak bertahan lama lah. Alasan biasa lelaki macam ni; i) I kan study lagi, ii) I masih di bawah tanggungan mak ayah.

Bagi I, mudah saja. Kalau dah tahu tak mampu untuk support perempuan, kau jangan gatal nak pasang kekasih. Kalau dari bercinta lagi dah berkira soal siapa belanja siapa, nanti kalau dah kahwin, tak mustahil isu duit akan berbangkit. Kalau bab keluar duit belanja, kena sama-sama kerjasama, tapi kalau bab ketua keluarga dan buat keputusan, bukan main lagi defend hak sebagai lelaki. Sebab itu juga I tak pernah keluar dengan lelaki yang bukan financially independent.


3) Jenis yang emosi.

Maksudnya di sini adalah lelaki yang tak segan-segan menangis atas whatsoever reasons pun. Juga tak segan-segan asyik nak merajuk. Ada perempuan yang suka lelaki sebegini. Lelaki jenis sensitif, bilang mereka. I anggukkan saja.


4) Jenis yang tak kisah adik-beradik.

Abang I jatuh dalam kategori ni. So kesimpulannya, sangat tak menarik. Atau lebih tepat lagi, lelaki selfish.


5) Jenis yang perasan hot dudes.

Perempuan memang suka pandang lelaki ___ /____ /___ (isi tempat kosong), mudah saja fall for these kind of dudes. Tapi in the long run, kalau criterion/ria ini saja yang kau ada, anggap saja hubungan ini tak kekal lama. Sebab lelaki yang suka perasan-perasan ni, biasanya agak vain juga. Dan selalu merasakan diri mereka diperhatikan, dan selalu juga terasa diri dia mysterious. Cet!


6) Jenis yang pakai skinny pants.

Insya Allah sampai bila-bila I tak boleh terima lelaki ber-skinny pants. To me, skinny pants are meant for girls. Sebab I tak berselera melihat bentuk kaki lelaki melalui seluar ketat dia, walaupun seseksi mana pun kaki dia. Lain lah kalau bentuk kaki tanpa seluar. Eh.

Lelaki kategori ini juga mendapat kurang markah kemaskuliniti. Tak mustahil juga mereka ada tendency untuk termasuk dalam kategori nombor (1).


7) Jenis yang tinggi sangat perjuangan school pride dia.

Selalunya lelaki berumur 20-an berada dalam kategori ini. Apa-apa hal, sekolah dia paling bagus. Kalau bump into sorang lelaki dari sekolah rivals, kemudian duduk satu meja, habis dikupas semula sejarah sukan ragbi sekolah aku lagi bagus dari sekolah kau, budak sekolah aku lagi samseng dari sekolah kau.

Balik-balik membebel pasal memori manis zaman sekolah. Padahal kau ni dah tua bangka, pasal karier kau yang tunggang langgang, kau tak ambil pusing sangat. Yang past tense tu lah kau asyik ulang-ulang. Dah macam peminat Liverpool. Err, mungkin juga kau peminat tegar Liverpool kan.


8) Jenis yang know-it-all. Kononnya lah.

Kalau dia ada masalah, kau tak payah campur tangan. Kiranya dia boleh handle semua. Lelaki kan, mesti kena handle masalah sendiri. Nak dibuatkan cerita, dah cuba macam mana pun, masih tak boleh settle, lagi tersungkur lagi ada. Tapi tak nak mengaku kalah, tak boleh jatuh ego. Dia diam saja masalah dia sampai melarat. Dan kau yang rapat dengan dia harus lah tak tahu menahu tentang kewujudan masalah dia.

Kemudian, tup tup dia kata dia dah termakan budi dengan orang lain. Maka terpaksa lepaskan kau. Padahal, dia tak pernah bagi kau ruang untuk bantu. Jadi pesan I, kau berambus saja. Lelaki jenis macam ni memang banyak betul inferiority complex tersembunyi dia. Sebab tu I suka lelaki yang banyak tanya. Biar nampak tolol, tapi bukan tunjuk pandai yang bangang. Tak tahu, buat cara tak tahu.


9) Jenis yang tegur/kutuk perempuan terang-terang sampai menusuk kalbu tanpa belas kasihan.

Lelaki yang rasa dia jauh lebih bagus, lebih holy, lebih lengkap, lebih superior. Need further explanation?


10) Jenis yang 'Drogba tu belajar dengan aku', 'Fabregas tu biasa-biasa je sebenarnya'.

Ini kes bila lelaki terlalu passionate dalam satu-satu bidang. Contoh obvious ialah minat bola. Kalau tengok bola, dia lah yang paling becok menyalahkan taktik formasi pengurus Chelsea, marahkan pemain pasukan lawan yang suka tackle kasar. Kemudian, sibuk bercerita zaman kegemilangan dia main bola sepak waktu tadika dulu, malangnya sekarang terpaksa bersara, disebabkan perut sudah tak mengizinkan.

Tengok bola senyap-senyap sudah.


11) Jenis yang merokok tak beradab.

Lelaki yang puffing mengikut arah angin sebenarnya agak biadap. Asap rokok secara automatiknya akan mematikan haruman perfume RM 250/100ml kau. Secara generalnya, I tak suka lelaki yang merokok tanpa minta kebenaran daripada orang sekeliling yang melepak sama dengan dia, dan jenis yang tak tahu nak agak arah tiupan angin. Nak merokok pun ada seni juga beb.



So far, itu saja yang boleh fikirkan.


Selain daripada #6, I pernah kenal dengan lelaki-lelaki dalam list ni. Nasib baik sekarang ni I sudah jarang bersosial sama lelaki, maka kurang sikit lah rasa turn off. Ngeh!