Some Things Are Just Too Good To Be True

During a conversation with favourite guy #2;

'I always have a soft spot for guys who linger in bookstores, either reading books or buying some. And the blokes who read in trains.'

'But I never go to bookstores, what's more buying books.'

'Exactly sayang.'

'Any more soft spot that you have?'

'Quirky guys who can speak real stuff when it comes to serious matter.'

'I ain't one I suppose'

'Exactly. Exactly. But you are you. And I love you.'

The Watchmen

If you are a Facebook junkie like me, you must have noticed the recent trend of people uploading loads of videos, be it music videos or wedding reception videos. Not to forget the 'hereafter is coming, so let's repent' kind of videos.

Actually, I have nothing against this latest trend, people like to share, so whatever. Post anything, I don't mind, so long as they don't post annoying childish statuses.

But herein lies the problem. The video watchers have this strange habit, that after watching, they feel obliged to comment on that certain video. Some video posters are a culprit too. Which you know, irks me. These are the same people who love posting stupid statuses, and when they comment on videos, well what kind of comment should be expected? Exactly, stupid comments with spelling and grammar errors here and there.

I, myself love watching the videos also. But I rarely ever comment on those, except for a few that to me, are worth commenting on. I find it strange to comment every single video.

Is it hard to just watch it and shut the fuck up? Even though you like the content so much, or despise it, keep your opinion to yourself, unless you feel it is necessary to voice out your thought. Most of the times, I find the opinions are unnecessarily published. Seriously speaking. And then they go about preaching on the Facebook status the damage of trashing others behind their backs, something like that.

I mean, helloooo these people seriously know how to tickle me to death. I literally laugh. What a contradiction in persona.

That makes me question, did these people really go to school? Or did they have rough childhood? Or perhaps another case of holier-than-thou?

In case you are wondering, as bitter as I may look, I had a wonderful childhood. No kidding.

Whore

As if we had just known each other for one week, I made a confession to favourite guy #2.

"You must know this, since we are going to spend a lot of time together. I curse. A lot that you cannot imagine how splendid I sound when cursing."

"Uh huh. I've long noticed that."

"No. This is real. I really do curse. And another thing, I sometimes have dirty mind and I talk dirty with my gang."

*clearing throat* "Okay. That's a head up, it's good to know. I sometimes talk dirty with my gang too."

"Haha. Your gang consist of all boys. My gang have both sexes. And you are in big trouble, unless you can handle this newfound truth."

"Ah well, now at least the sky is clearer."

On The Twelfth Hour

Ever since I've been less critical whilst writing at my old home, some folks have been wondering of the sudden change of my writing style. I mean, I no longer curse over there. They, ladies and gentlemen, know nothing of this new home of mine.

My reason is simple. The lesser people know of this new home, the better it will be for my reputation. Because here, except a good 10 people I personally invited them to read, none of you actually know me in person. Which is good, I can be whoever I want here. I can bitch, and be an angel at the same time. The best thing of all, both favourite guys do not know I am writing here. Simply because I see little reason for them to know pun.

And well, you will also see no picture of me. You guess right, I am deliciously beautiful, use your wild imagination, you get my blessing. Ahhh, it feels safe to be in control.

A little bit of information about me. I don't do 9-5 McJob. At least, not anymore. Right now, I'm resting on my laurels and my back hurts for I've been in bed for the last 20 hours. But you know what, I love this. By November, however, I would be in full swing.

So there you go. 11:57:03, that is my wake-up morning time. Another bit, I hate Hitler but I kind of had a crush on him once.

These Also Are Becoming Quite A Trend

1) Ini satu benda wajib, saban minggu mesti ada. Buka Facebook pagi Isnin, mesti ada salah empat belas orang akan meletakkan status berbunyi 'Bosannya Monday Blues', 'Aku benci Isnin, argh!!!', more or less macam ni.

Kemudian buka Facebook pagi Jumaat, status begini pula keluar; 'Yesssss hari minggu yang dinanti-nantikan', 'Bestnya, tak sabar nak cuti'. Fenomena jaringan sosial maya yang tipikal kan.


2) Many late 80s babies are starting to settle down. Some have even started a family. I ada rakan sebaya yang sudah beranak tiga okey. Dan macam biasalah, the usual crappy question will linger, 'Kau bila lagi? Best wooo kahwin'.

Being the usual me, I akan jawab 'esok kahwin'. Simple and deep. Even my makciks and pakciks and jirans have been pestering my Dame with the same question. Typical Malays attempting to berbasa-basi. Which is annoying and irritating.

My goal in life is to be happy. If marriage happens to give me happiness, someday I will settle down. But no, currently I don't see it as the fundamental of happiness. Money is. Love is. Travelling is. Having fun is. Tunggulah dah banyak duit, 5/6 tahun lagi.

Ada pula yang berbunyi lepas tu, 'Duit bukan segala-galanya, kahwin kan sunat'. Biasanya akan diceramah oleh mereka yang tak ada cita-cita lain dalam hidup selain daripada besuami/isteri dan bersenggama. Mr and Mrs, let's have this conversation once we turned 50, shall we? Only then will we know how well/bad we become.

The idea of settling down just to make others happy or to basically follow the already lame bestnya-kahwin fad, it irks me. Lagi-lagi kalau duit hantaran pakai loan, belanja kahwin besar-besar, lepas tu duit habis terpaksa tinggal dengan mak bapak. Atau tinggal sendiri dalam keadaan kena ikat perut, tengah bulan gaji habis since gaji kena deduct personal loan bank (loan kahwin), lepas tu ada hati nak beranak banyak. This is one irresponsible act of foolishness. Agaknya sebab tu ramai budak-budak yang bodoh piang. Mak ayah kahwin, tapi tak pernah menuntut ilmu perkahwinan. Ilmu kuat tenaga batin saja yang sibuk dicari.


3) Lagi berkenaan Facebook. I just don't understand how some guys can be freely emotional whilst posting their statuses. It freaks me out when they practically pour out their every detail of emotions, on how sad they feel, how heartbroken, how happily in love, how they put I-love-you-NorAmalina every now and then.

I guess some guys are fragile (geli kot) like girls, and some girls are not like typical girls. I would never giggle or brag around if my boyfriend was so open with his feelings in public. Eeuww!


4) Babytalk. Makan jadi mamam, tidur jadi tito, sakit jadi cakit, busuk jadi mucuk, sayang jadi cayang. All of which irritate me a lot. I'm done being a baby 20 odd years ago. Can we be adults now, and talk like one?


5) Blackberry craziness?

Violent Hill

PRMPNKCK has written something about Chris Martin. My fucking beloved Chris Martin. I could see the snippets from my dashboard. But up until now, whenever I open up her page, the entry is nowhere to be found. Has she somehow deleted the entry? But why?

PRMPNKCK, if you are reading this, kindly please offer me somekind of explanation. Because you owe me one. I introduced him to you, if my memory serves me correctly. And one more thing, I want Gucci's Flora for my upcoming birthday.

Imma Bimbo Get Me Outta Here

You know why I curse? To add volume and tone to my expression.

Show me one fine lady who curses not for the purpose of seeking attention.

Because I am one attention-seeking bimbo. So, suit yourself.

And exactly the reason I don't mingle with my students. Or fuddle duddle with 'em. Haha!

After All, I Still Have A Bimbo Living In My Head

Been asking my favourite sister whether I should ditch favourite guy #2 for everyone's sake. The reasons for ditching are;

1) maneuvering two wheels at a time is no easy work. Lots of lying and acting up every now and then as to not hurt the other 'quarter'.

2) #2 knows the existence of #1, but #1 doesn't have any idea there is even a #2. I'm sure #1 will kill #2 if he finds out. Literally speaking.

3) Even though I always said I would end up marrying #2, because of our long history and past chemistry, now I am not so sure. Little did I know he could be this attention deprived. However, marrying #1 is out of question. I can never ever be married to him, even he knows this already.

4) #1 has been slightly suspicious. One morning, he asked who had rung me up at 6.50 in the morning, with 5 missed calls before then. So again, I had to lie. Anyways, I also have my own suspicion on him as well. Yeah I may not speak his language, but I ain't dumb either. That's why I effing love google.

But no, I ain't gonna confront him or do anything. Why do damage over something petty? For now, we are great together, we talk, we share, we love, we kiss. And he's always here. It feels just like having a relationship with myself. On the other hand, who ever get married to himself, eh? If he's having an affair, which I doubt he is in this country, what fuck can I do. I'm trying to be realistic here. The button is with me, it is my call if I want to press it.

5) #2 has been reporting his daily activity, almost every single day. Now, that pisses me off. Frankly, I don't give a damn what my other 'quarters' do, they can do whatever they want, go everywhere they please, meet anyone they wish to, just do not report every single detail. Because I myself don't like to report up my daily activity. I trust them, they trust me. Life should be this simple. If you cannot trust your significant other, why bother being in relationship in the first place? Again, everyone has the button to press.

6) Numbering people is not exactly very nice to do, you know. It makes me look bitchy. Although I can be and am a bitch, I always try my best to conceal that very unflattering fact.

Anekdot

Baru sudah mengambil kuiz personaliti berdasarkan warna. Fuck, sebiji-sebiji, seketul-seketul butir deskripsi dia terkena batang hidung.

Did I mention I was a brown lover? Double eff, I still am.

Mungkin aku patut keluar lebih banyak, ekspres lebih emosi, jangan ditahan-tahan perasaan bila kemahuan dan keperluan dinafikan, dan cuba alami pelbagai anekdot dengan lebih kerap.

Pendek kata, patutlah aku bergelumang dalam industri yang dipenuhi dengan manusia berkarakter Jonathan McQuarry. Tapi bercita-cita mahu hidup bersama lelaki seakan Thom Yorke.

Okey, aku tak sebut tentang berkahwin kan? Hanya mahu hidup bersama. Pergi lantak sama lelaki kegemaran kedua serta fantasi perkahwinan dan idea berkeluarga dia.

Fuck, sebiji-sebiji, seketul-seketul butir deskripsi dia terkena batang hidung.

Fetish

1) I suka lelaki yang berbulu. Lelaki berbulu selalu di-associatekan dengan bad body odour disebabkan peluh melekat pada bulu-bulu mereka maka;

2) Lelaki tersebut mestilah wangi, yakni berkawan baik dengan minyak wangi, deodorant segala jadah. My biggest turn off in men is when they either have bad body odour or they don't produce any odour at all.

3) Mereka yang menaip menggunakan ejaan yang penuh merupakan antara manusia kegemaran I. Serius I akan respect habis. To me, cara kau menulis menunjukkan sejauh mana daya intelek kau. Memang bias, sebab tak semuanya macam tu. Tapi, I berani jamin, 90% orang yang menulis guna macam-macam short form jahanam adalah manusia yang tak berapa berkualiti otak mereka, walaupun belajar tinggi.

4) Buat masa ni, I sangat tertarik dengan sesiapa sahaja yang terlibat dalam bidang architecture, baik bekerja ataupun belajar. Kalau dulu, budak law. Hakikatnya, I selalu stuck up dengan mereka yang terlibat dalam bidang kejuruteraan, terutamanya elektrik. Ah bosan. Minta maaf, budak line accountancy tak pernah termasuk dalam kategori kegemaran I.

5) Tak lupa juga mereka yang fasih berbahasa Inggeris. Tak perlu slang British ke apa, fasih saja sudah cukup. Sebab I suka berbual dalam Bahasa Inggeris, even dengan kawan baik I pun. Bahasa Melayu bukan tak best, cuma kau faham-faham saja lah orang Melayu dengan obsesi Bahasa Melayu dia. Padahal SPM pun dapat 6C. Sebenarnya tak penting pun untuk mention, tapi I nak tulis juga. I dapat A1 untuk paper Bahasa Melayu. Penggunaan bahasa ibunda I lagi bagus daripada kau-kau yang mengutuk aku suka berbahasa penjajah. Yang kau kaki tengok bola Liga Inggeris, berjoget sakan dengar lagu Lady Gaga tu tak macam perangai penjajah?

Melayu dengan Melayu, kadang-kadang suka berperangai bangsat. Kalau Mat Salleh datang KL, bukan main lembut gigi dari lidah. So much holier-than-thou.

6) Disebabkan kata carutan dalam Bahasa Melayu kebanyakkannya berbunyi lebih keras, maka I gemar mencarut dalam bahasa ibunda. Contohnya bangsat. Sekufu Bahasa Inggeris dia ialah sonofabitch. Sama-sama keras.

7) India. I memang nak sangat pergi sana. Semuanya disebabkan I nak cuba naik keretapi di sana, nak cuba teroka kehidupan orang di sana. I rasa India akan beri I banyak pengajaran untuk dipelajari. Life wise.

8) Filem perang. Dalam bahasa apa jua. Cerita terbaik kategori ini masih lagi 'Saving Private Ryan' dan 'The Pianist'. I suka storyline yang melibatkan Nazi dan Yahudi. Kalau orang lain menonton filem untuk menenangkan minda, maka mereka memilih filem bergenre ringan, I pula menenangkan minda dengan menonton filem bergenre berat. Lagi pecah kepala I untuk cuba memahamkan sesebuah filem, lebih tenang minda I. Twists dalam storyline adalah orgasm untuk I.

Begitu juga dengan filem bergenre sarcastic dan politik. Dahulu kala I bercita-cita untuk menjadi peguam, jadi tak hairan lah kot I minat menonton filem-filem begini. Antara all time favourite adalah 'Munich' dan 'Inglourious Basterds'. Tak ramai yang boleh faham dengan filem genre sarcastic, yang mana ia menjadi satu kelebihan buat I, kerana I boleh faham.

9) Gadgets. I merupakan seorang hantu gadget yang mild, di mana I suka bertukar ganti barang berteknologi setelah I bosan dengan barang sedia ada. Buat masa ini, I sudah ada Mac Pro dalam koleksi. Xperia juga. Canon EOS juga. I bercadang untuk menambah sebuah lagi telefon bimbit, kemungkinan besar akan membeli sebuah Blackberry.

Faktor trend mungkin menjadi titik tolak kepada kegilaan I bergadget. Dan I mempunyai sebuah gitar akustik, walaupun masih belum tahu memainkan gitar tersebut. Niatnya mahu belajar, buku not muzik sudah ada.

10) Tempe, durian dan sandwich. Setiap tengah hari ketika lunch break pejabat, sekiranya I makan nasi berlauk, I akan memilih tempe sebagai lauk utama dipadankan dengan sayur. Tempe kentang dan sayur. Memang menu wajib, in fact, itu saja menu I kalau bernasi campur.

I juga hantu durian. I pernah makan durian untuk sarapan, makan tengah hari, makan petang dan malam. Tanpa menjamah sebutir nasi dan apa jua makanan lain sekali pun. Malah, I tiada masalah langsung kalau disuruh tidur bersebelahan dengan durian. Bau durian adalah harum bagi I. Selain itu, I mahir mengopek buah durian. Lelaki kegemaran I juga hantu durian. Tapi I tak gemar akan minat dia terhadap durian. Setiap kali dia berdurian, I akan mengenakan satu undang-undang mandatori. Never kiss me when you smell of durian. I memang sangat tidak aci.

Sandwich adalah makanan kegemaran I. Tak kisah lah apa jenis rupa sandwich pun, termasuklah shawerma. Kalau disuruh memilih antara nasi dan sandwich, I tak teragak-agak untuk memilih sanwich. Sampai ke tahap I merasakan sandwich yang dihidangkan oleh AirAsia adalah sangat sedap. Walaupun sandwich dia bodoh simple saja. Mungkin sebab I bodoh kot. Heh.

11) Apa-apa yang namanya bermula daripada huruf J. Semua nama barang-barang I berpangkalkan huruf J. Kamera I bernama Joni, gitar dipanggil Jeezus, sarung kotak tisu berupa harimau dipanggil John Tiger, Xperia dinamakan Johan. Macbook bernama Jeremi.

Pest

I hate cats. They are a nuisance. Any cat, I'd shoo them away if they came near me. Yes, I fucking hate cats.

In contrast, my old folks feed cats all the time. I'm not sure it is love-related or purely an act of being nice to God creatures, but I always have some tricks up my sleeves when they ask me to feed some random cats.

I know many people who adore cats so much, that they would even have cats as pets, bathe them, feed them, nurture them. To me personally, cats are spoilt creature. Once you get yourself too close to them, they would step over your head. Plus the perangai mengada-ngada.

Cats ought to hate me. It's mandatory, because I would give them wild stare if they ever come near me.

But I love dogs. Only cute dogs. And I don't mind at all seeing dogs roaming around my neighborhood, sleeping under my car. Dogs are cuter than cats. Period. And I love cute creatures. Because I myself am one. Double period.

Remorse (A Dedication To Perempuan Kacak)

Countless times I have said before, that I am not a family person. In the sense that I love spending quality time with them, doing things and relaxing together; no I just don't do these. To me, family means headache. Of course, I'm talking about my family.

When other people keep obsessing themselves by how much they miss family, I certainly don't. It makes me sound rather snobbish, aren't I? But hell, that's the truth. And I'm not alone. My sister also shares the same sentiment, to the extent she would stay at my place for a night before going home to the family.

I do love my family, except my brother. Wow, I am bluntly making a confession. That's it. I guess, my brother is the root problem of me not fancying time with family. Oh well, me and my brother, we have been having difficult relationship since forever. Me and him, we never gel, never click. Only one thing that can keep us in one head. Playstation and PC games.

And the fact that our parents keep siding my brother also irks me a lot. And my sister has shown her resentment as well. I don't mind if he was a good brother, a good son, by helping the family and being there when he was needed the most. But no. He is not the kind of son every mother would be grateful to have, but of course, my family will conceal the fact by some acting here and there whenever we go for some big family gathering. And everybody would assume this brother of mine was such a good bloke. This stupid acting does irk me too.

Sometimes, I find my family weird in our own way. In a Bree Van der Kamp kind of way, if you know what I mean. My house is very very clean, you can spot no dust at all, yet my mother shakes her head everytime she enters the house, as if a volcano just explodes in there. And she adores perfection, everything must be perfect, including her children. Whatever issues we have internally, when we go out, we have to ditch those issues, stage a play of how perfect we are as a family. Whilst my father is a cooking junkie, but he is the most normal member in the family. At least he feeds us good, fattening food.

As for my sister, she smartly keeps her rebellious side under careful wrap. In a way, the heat is always on me, because unlike her, I show my resentment, dissatisfaction clearly. This doesn't go down well with my mother. As you can read from my earliest entries, she has been dead worried of me, been stalking me and trying to get a grip on me as tightly as possible. And I, I try to escape from family time as much as possible.

The truth is, I try to get loose from her grip, because sometimes, she can be suffocating and demanding. I, for one, am not her biggest fan when it comes to her giving free sermons, on how this and that should be done yada yada. Because when I logicalise (I invent this word, don't wiki it) her stand, I just cannot relate it to the way she treats her children. Make no mistake, she is a very good mother, like Bree, but there's a big but. She gives in to her son too much, she lets my brother to get things his own way. And of course, the other children do not agree. So they suppress the feelings, as to not severe the situation.

You see, I am not proud with whatever I am currently doing with myself, because I know in the end, I will end up losing myself. But seeing how stupendous things with family have been going, the least I could do is, entertain myself with whatever distraction I can get my hands on. Or else, I lock myself at home, talk to no one, do nothing, sleep in for long hours. And wait for favourite people to ring me up, persuading me to go out.

Internal problems like these, the solution is simple. We should hold family talk, pour the words out, apologise, get everybody pleased at the end of the day. But my family is the exception.

Family talk doesn't work. Because among us, we hardly ever talk. Same goes to feeling sorry. We never apologise, in an honest kind of way. Forceful apology is the only 'correct thing' we do to keep the harmony intact.

I am good at making fake gestures. And I learn these from family.

Suasana Perayaan (Semangat Tak Ada Sebenarnya)

First of Syawal. Hari Raya.

And what does it mean by hari raya?

It means let's get fat. Super super fat.

I'm definitely grabbing my running shoes next Tuesday. Or else I'd be widowed. Twice at the same time, if you know what I mean.

Savour

FG #1 : Rendow lah.

Me : Watch your spelling, love. How many times have I corrected you?

FG #1 : So? I love to piss you off. That's the whole point.

Me : You know what is my favourite curse word?

FG #1 : Fuck!

Me : Exactly. At least you spell it correctly.

FG #1 : Haha. Sayang I will miss you badly when I'm gone.

Me : I hate it when we have deadline.

FG #1 : I know. I know.

Drunken Racist

Yet another video posted on Facebook. This time around, the subject is about racism, where some Muslim men were discriminated in the US. As usual, I watched the video and had a good laugh at the end. Humans are getting seriously funnier these days, and not to mention more creative.


Oh and we are becoming more sensitive too. Nobody can touch or make fun of our race or religion. Itu satu kepantangan. We will go berserk, we will run amok. But it is okay if we make fun of other races, other religions. We term this exception as jihad, defending our right.


We muslims, I mean, most Muslims are fucking hypocrites. From Arabs to Malays. Arabs are the most racist people I know, Malays follow closely behind them. They pass racial slur as nonchalantly as eating kebab and currypuff. I know this because I mingle with them a lot, but I don't agree with most of their life principles.


To me, if you enjoy making or listening to racial jokes, you should be able to be laughed at when other people make fun of you. The problem is, we are so biased. We think we are the better race, we think we have the better religion.


Guess what, everybody thinks the same way as we do. So who are we kidding here? If everyone claims to have the best blood, the best faith in the universe, who wants to be second best?


I have to admit something here. I don't enjoy racial joke. I am not racist, but I am racialist. There's a huge difference between these two terms, you know. Everytime someone makes racial joke before me, I'd be the first to object. This is because I find this kind of jokes as tasteless. In return, I also don't want other races to belittle my fellow Malays.


I wonder how some people can preach about world unity whilst at the same time they dump shit by being drunken racist. These people are sadly my fellow Muslims. Adolf Hitler the devil would be smiling seeing us squabbling over racial remarks, if he were still alive.


The never ending wars in Middle East will never stop so long as racial cards are played on the table, so long as among Muslims, we still fight over the different school of thoughts, different doctrines.


The current situation is as simple as this. We are all chickens, we shit everywhere. Yet chickens think they taste better than ducks.

However there is an exception. Racial jokes are tasteful and acceptable and funny if you crack them in front of the intended parties. For example, a Malay makes racial joke about Chinese right before the eyes of a Chinese. If the Chinese laughs, then the joke is considered funny. But if he doesn't, the Malay might be in grave trouble.

So be very careful with words. In the eyes of God, we are all the same. If we cannot unite as mankind, do not severe our ties among each other with silly race-degrading jokes.

Speaking Of

If you want to learn English, to speak confidently, learn from me.

Because I don't teach for the importance of the language, I teach for the disadvantage you get for not mastering it.

Bahasa Melayu is for maintaining a living, English is for getting a living. Both are equally important if you ask me.

And hey, ignore my first sentence. You won't learn anything from me. But you roughly see my point, don't you?

Bertembung Kemahuan

Lelaki kegemaran kedua menghantar teks pada awal pagi. It was 5 in the morning. I just had a very very exhausting day.

Kata dia; bekas teman wanita mencarinya semula, mahu menyambung sejarah yang pernah terputus. Sambung dia; "Give me strength."

Di antara separa sedar dan kekurangan rehat, aku mengarah;

"Tell her the truth, your true state, tell her about our relationship."

Dia mengambil beberapa jam untuk membalas respon. Tipikal.

Di akhirnya, aku bertanyakan; sudah berjumpa kekuatan itu?

"On its way, on its way", balasan mudah lelaki ini.

Don't humor me, love. Don't disgust me with your petty crap. I am cracking my head over here to earn a fucking living, so please don't humor me.

Dan budak perempuan, if he ever chose you over me, ambil lah. Be my guest. Aku sedikit pun tak akan berebut. Aku tak akan berebut untuk satu jiwa yang kekuatannya tak sekencang mana.

Infidels

Is it fun to play the role of God? Do you seriously think you are better than the person you are mocking?

I don't know in what name you swear, "in the name of this-and-that religion I shall tell you this" sort of thing, what makes you think it is your duty to enlighten others by exposing some other's sinful actions? Yeah, you call these actions as sinful, so are you telling me you are much holier than the person in subject? Because if you think you are, fuck you.

You can play with 'Masya Allah' here, 'Masya Allah' there, haram here haram there, but who are you to judge, to prosecute people, to shame them before others?

To be perfectly honest, I do have problem with so-called pious people like you. Your choice of dakwah is undeniably funny.