A Sucker

It is not about losing him that scares me. It is the picture of me being lonely and not having him around to calm me, that is terrifying.

I am a sucker for attention, for love. And sometimes I love being depressed, somehow I get inspirations from the state of depression. I know I write better when I am depressed.

Hey, I'm not looking for happiness. Heck, I think happiness is overrated.

I just want to feel content.

Ponder

"For something you said we loved the most, for something you called your soul, giving up that easy just won't show how important that thing is to you."

-Lidah-

Estranged

W - If things do not speed up, you might have to stay there for more than a month right?

FG - Yes.

W - Could be two months, or more than that, right?

FG - Yes.

W - So how?

FG - I don't know.

W - No plan doesn't sound like a good idea.

FG - What can I do?

W - We are fucked. That's what we are.

Percaturan

Let's see.

If you are doing everything right for your friends, and somehow they don't return the favor, there must be something wrong with the friendship.

The same concept applies on relationships.

Friends in need are friends indeed.

I beg to differ.

I know for certain that my investment so far has been disappointing to say the least.

Social Card

Some people have been constantly reading my blog and Facebook. No big deal. It is a big deal when later on, they claimed to have known me, the real me by believing my virtual personality. FG#2 is one of them, no matter how many million of times have I told him not to be possessed by my writing.

Sadly, he even accused me for having 2 personalities, which I agreed completely. My personality in real life and virtual one is different. After all, that's the very reason people blog and use the social network. To unleash their alter ego. Well, at least I know some people who have the same reason.

You blog, and paste your amazing pictures everywhere for the purpose of bragging. That your life is amazing, when the very fact it is pathetic. But hello, so long as people think you are doing great, you are happy. Or sometimes, it is the other way round. Your life is completely amazing, but you blog and write sappy pathetic stories of your life, so you can fish for sympathy.

If you have the tendency to be honest with everything and everyone on the net, I feel sorry for you. Sooner or later, someone will take you for granted. And then you go emotional, deactivate your account, change your url and whatnot. Because you take this tiny little virtual life too seriously.

On Facebook, I portray myself as a bubbly, joke loving, always laughing and fooling around kind of person. But ask everyone who have met me personally. I only possess these criteria when I am with people I know closely, otherwise I am a cold-hearted, bold, and no-nonsense person. Fuck those who think I am a forger, get a better life you maggot.

Mark Zuckerberg accepted your friendship request. After 6 months of befriending him virtually, do you really think he knows anything about you? Or do you think you know everything about him, besides the fact that he is filthy rich? Who are we kidding here, boy?

Loose a little bit, and take up reading instead. You don't know how to play the online social card.

Call Of Duty

It's not that I ignore my responsibilities. I just don't like to be pressured.

Remind me a time, and I shall be doing good.

Thanks for worrying anyway.

I always surprise you in a way or another, don't I?

Celebrity

I have always had a crush on Damien Lewis.

Now, I am watching Band of Brothers just to see this gentleman in army suit.

Lucky Number Eleven

I no longer a bitchy bitter young lady with razor-sharp tongue. I used to scare people with my unfriendly attitude. It is more appropriate if I say I am awkward towards strangers. I don't sit well with people I know very little of.

The past one year has been me transforming myself into a much more emotional-form me. Sadly, this has to do with guys. Unfortunately, I have to admit I have weak knees when it comes to dealing with hearty matters. I melt like candles on fire. I forego my ritual time with friends, I can't even remember the last time all of us had bowling or karaoke session together. I literally have abandoned them, albeit not completely, but still I didn't spare even a tenth of my time on them. They have been complaining a lot, so yes, guilty as charged.

I'm not doing so good with family as well. Other than my sister, I think I hardly talk to anyone in the family. No surprise though, I have sworn to keep things to myself. Family can be suffocating at times. I am whining, fuck me I know. It would be easier to say, I have unhealthy social life.

Funny however, despite all these, I am enjoying life. I ain't exactly enjoying as in laughing and rejoicing, it just that I don't plan to do any immediate change anytime soon.

Well, FG#2 has left, may be for good. He isn't a tough nut. I miss him of course, but somehow I think I don't deserve him. If later in life we met, fate has got to do with it. As for now, let him disappear. Things are more complex with FG#1, but but, I maintain to still stick with him. If you ask how on earth could I still be with him after all these turbulent times, for the love God, I myself haven't a clue. I must say I love his presence and when he is not around, loneliness creeps in because he is a constant presence.

Anyway, 2011 is a working and traveling year. This coming March should be absofuckinglutely exciting that I cannot wait. Hopefully business will be booming in a month or two as my piggy bank is thinning.