Thursday, March 17, 2011

Peluru-Peluru Di Langit

Long have I given up talking to my mother about issues that can be deemed sensitive to both of us. For the last 23 years, I have grown to know exactly things that would please her. So sue me for trying hard only to please her.

But here lies a problem. Not exactly things I do are pleasing enough for her. Truths are hurtful, at least to her.

So you know, I just keep quiet and quit talking. No matter how much she tries to make me talking, I just shrug off. Spare her the disappointment of learning my reasons.

It must be very difficult to know your daughter is not perfect. So well, she will start comparing her children with her friends', or her long-gone youth life.

We cannot live according to your specifications, mother. That is the bloodiest truth.

Good Friendship

I know they are trying not to disappoint me when they have stopped calling asking for wedding-related advice.

For that, I am so glad.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


For something I call love, I don't know if this is genuine or not. When you have trust issues with this and that, countless of justifications need to clarify, the love should have gone, at least faded.

However in my case, the feeling grows stronger. I've never missed someone this whole much, I've never loved someone this crazy lot. Yes, I had good moments from previous relationship, but those are already slipping away from my mind.

For something I call love, and I know is wrong, I should've made my move and got out. But I stayed, until now. When we are together, you can see just how content I am, so long as I am with him, doing nothing. But when we are apart, even for a day, I am wrecked. I could break down for no reason, all because of missing his presence.

The truth is, despite all my preachings of wanting out, I am just not ready. I cannot imagine having myself so discontent, no one to talk about my days with. I don't call this romantic. It just, you know, I don't have the heart to walk out yet.

With him still being all needy and sweet, I must say, this will take longer than expected.

Berlin is cold, how I wish he could be here.